Rove, 2006: Riding the "Terror Train" To Victory?

The director of the Bush PR Theater Company, Karl "Divine Right" Rove, yesterday announced an upcoming refurbishment of the company's long-running, marginally sucessful melodrama, "All Terror, All the Time."

Insiders say the production, which met with limited success in its earlier runs in 2002 and 2004, will soon be getting a massive infusion of investment capital from a number of economic angels in hopes of revitalizing the production.

"They've got some work to do if they want to keep it viable," said a highly placed source in the theatrical community. "I'd heard they're trying out different angles on their promotional messaging. But based on what Rove said in the Post, (a theatrical trade publication) I'd say he's going to stick pretty close to his usual approach: Republicans are Men, Democrats Are Gay. It could still work, but it's a little risky."

In the meeting the insider referrred to, the winter meeting of the Republican National Committee yesterday, Rove was quoted as saying the following: "At the core, we are dealing with two parties that have fundamentally different views on national security. Republicans have a post-9/11 worldview and many Democrats have a pre-9/11 worldview. That doesn't make them unpatriotic -- not at all. But it does make them wrong -- deeply and profoundly and consistently wrong." (actual quote).

Both Rove and assistant director Ken Mehlman are considering adding a scene where the Democratic anti-heroes, Pelosi and Dean, will, in their fussiness over Miss Liberty's right to privacy will "liberally" choose to let her die with her "rights" intact. As reported in the Washington Post: Rove and Mehlman "defended Bush's use of warrantless eavesdropping to gather intelligence about possible terrorist plots. 'Do Nancy Pelosi and Howard Dean really think that when the NSA is listening in on terrorists planning attacks on America, they need to hang up when those terrorists dial their sleeper cells in the United States?' Mehlman asked. (actual quote).

Outside the White House Theater, Republican voter and veteran theatergoer Randy Jones, 33, of Bethesda Maryland, who has seen the production hundreds of times since its opening, when informed that "All Terror, All the Time" might undergo some modifications said: "That whole bit at the end where they have that guy with the beard and the turban tie that Miss Liberty woman to the train tracks? And they have that giant smoking, snorting "Terror Train" is coming down on her? They better keep that in, for sure, because people go nuts over that schtick!"